Evolving Beyond Struggle - Part Of My Process

A week ago when I got my washing wand, I felt like I had just scaled a mountain, and now I was powerful! Free! Even more Badass!! <thump fists on chest like gorilla>

I was so thrilled that I was telling *everyone* about it.

Meanwhile, during these conversations, I noticed a weird little quirky sentence that kept coming out of my mouth.

For some strange reason I had this annoying badgering *need* to make sure people knew that I got it with a gift card - that it was a gift - that I wasn’t spending my own money on it. Super weird, right? I couldn’t let a conversation end without throwing that little tidbit in there. It felt like a strange form of Tourette’s.

Thanks to all these coaching skills, I could see plain as day that this weird little detail was important. So I got curious about it.

I started pondering why on Earth it was so important that people knew the money was a gift?

What part of me needed people to know that?

What was I getting out of it?

Which of my beliefs is this stemming from??

And I let it roll around for a few days. (Had I reached out for some coaching it wouldn’t have taken that long, but in this case I was feeling patient.)

Then it hit me.

Somewhere deep in the recesses of my brain is a belief that I am not worthy of receiving unless I have nothing.

That people will judge me poorly, maybe leave me, if they decide that I’m spending my money irresponsibly. And that’s tied up to receiving, too. The universe has been lining up big Receiving Events for me lately, particularly around the cats, and a part of me is afraid that if people see me spending money on anything less than the dire necessities, that they’ll demand their gifts back.

It's also connected to a previously-identified "you're only worthwhile if you're totally self-sufficient" belief that I've been consciously working with for a while.

So it keeps my in this wonky energy of voluntary poverty, so that I can prove to everyone around me that I’m “worthy" and “responsible". As if there’s even a standard measure for those things anyway. (None of these sorts of adjectives have a standard measure. We make them all up.)

As you can see, it explains so damn much. (And I even can see a little into how that belief got built.)

Lately I’ve been really focusing my inner and outer work on Evolving Beyond Struggle.

Struggle has been a theme for basically my whole adult life, in one area or another, and in the last few years I accepted that maybe I’m addicted to struggle and set about trying to shift it.

It’s been a crazy rollercoaster of a journey, and all in all, I HAVE been slowly moving my life forward in my intended direction. Ever. So. Slowly. (Even that sentence, I notice as I type it, is dripping with struggle. Our shit is deep, guys.)

So it makes sense that now that I’ve doubled down my focus and intention and commitment to Evolving Beyond Struggle, I opened up the stage for the really really deep stuff to come up. Which is what we have here. And I’m so grateful that I can finally see that it’s been lying behind the scenes pulling the strings of my life for the past few decades.

The next step, and I work on this with my private clients all the time, is realizing, for reals, that this belief IS NOT TRUE. It’s actually bullshit. I made it up, my brain put it on a pedestal as a Strategy For Winning At Life, and no one noticed when I outgrew it.

Well I’m noticing now.

So. Now I get to repattern - to choose some beliefs that actually fit me better, and start directing them to pull the strings instead. (At first it needs clear direction - they need to learn their job for a while before they get good at it.)

Here’s what I’m choosing to start with, because they feel juicy and powerful and expansive and light in my heart and in my body when I say them.

+ Everything that I am is precious and worthy of love.
+ I’m allowed to create a life that feels good to ME, not to others. I’m actually HERE to create a life that feels good to me. It doesn’t actually matter what other people think of my choices if they fill up my heart, spread joy, and improve my life on my terms.

+ Wanting stuff is human. I love being a human. First I have to let myself want stuff, that’s what creates the momentum and power for Creation Mode, and I loooove me some Creation Mode.

+ Possibility is fucking everywhere. The more I tap into Who I Really Am, the easier I align with the things that are on their way to me!

That’s a good start. I’ll probably tweak them a little as I go. But I am going to start by reading them out loud a few times a day, and setting alarm reminders on my phone.

AND every time I’m able to notice that I’m in the familiar struggle-thoughts. I’ll pivot to these sentences instead. And I’ll let myself FEEL them, because they feel really good, and because the feelings are like jet thrusters for this sort of repatterning practice. If you don’t actually feel it, it ain’t going to do a damn thing.

PS!

Are you looking for a partner who will walk you through this process for your own breakthroughs in life, play, and business? I do complimentary sample sessions and am happy to hop on the phone and explore if this work is a good match for what you’re looking to create in your life. It’s definitely not for the faint of heart, but I’ve had clients tell me (recently) that this was hands down the best decision they ever made for themselves. Plus I’ve got more price points available than ever before. Reach out if you’re heart is yelling yes! I’d love to connect ♥