Obstinacity, For Good & for Evil
I can be really obstinate. It’s a trait that runs in the family, plus I’ve got an extra dash of Aquarian Obstinacity to really round it out.
I often consider this when I look at my life and business. I believe that it is THE single biggest reason that I am still an entrepreneur. I somehow have been managing through sheer force of will, despite my inconsistent schedule and proclivity for whimsy.
There does seem to be two sides to this, though.
When I’m using my Obstinacity for Good, I am unwilling to give up on my dreams. I am unwilling to give up the time and location freedom that I’ve created in my life. I’m unwilling to give up on my struggling business and go back to a soul-sucking 9-5. Every fibre of my being is unwilling. So I keep up the "good fight". I keep up the struggle. Being Obstinately Free.
It’s occurred to me that, hidden underneath all of that, I am also using my Obstinacity for Evil.
I’ve been obstinately clinging to Struggle. For years. Although I hate struggling, I’ve become rather accustomed to it. It’s a way of life that feels cozy and familiar.
If you really look at it, the “freedom" I fight so hard for isn't actually all that free. I often subconsciously set up my circumstances to sacrifice quality of life in exchange for the “freedom". My default way of looking at it is as an Either/Or. And that’s what creates the struggle.
Deep down, I believe that I can’t have both.
The great thing is that it’s just a belief. It’s not actually a Fact. It’s an Interpretation that somewhere along the line I started to relating to as a fact.
(Here’s a quick litmus test - This “truth” - in this case “you can’t have both freedom and a quality life" - Is it ALWAYS true? For EVERYONE in EVERY situation that has ever or will ever happen? No? Then it’s not a fact. You’re welcome.)
Since it’s just an interpretation, I can choose to replace it with a different one. A better one. Something that feels better, but isn’t so far-out that it makes my brain recoil with the “who are you kidding” reflex. Something like: "It actually IS POSSIBLE for me to have both freedom and a lovely quality of life. I might not see how yet, but I know that it’s possible, and with every tiny step I take I am getting closer and closer to revealing it."
What might it look like if I took all the energy that I usually devote to struggling, to negotiating what I’m willing to give up today, and just refocus it into being a badass? Being Obstinately Joyful. Being Obstinately Powerful. Obstinately Capable. Obstinately Loving….
What if I decide to be an Obstinate Stand for my life to be easy?
For me to create BOTH?
For daily miracles?
For Actual Freedom?
What if I just expect this, full stop?
How might my life shift?
How might my feelings shift?
How might I structure my day differently?
How might my priorities change?
While it doesn’t seem likely that I’ll wake up tomorrow to a struggle-free life, I trust that if I keep Constant Vigilance over my thoughts, and commit to Being Obstinate For Badassery, that sometime in the not-too-distant future I’ll have finally kicked the struggle habit.
I know that it works because I’ve seen the results with clients and colleagues, and in other areas of my own life.
I forgive myself for letting the shift in this particular area take years. For all that “wasted” time - because obviously I needed to go through it in order to get to where I am. The universe wastes nothing. And I’m ready to be ready to shift my worldview (and therefore my life) in a lasting way.
Here's to the journey!
PS - Are you looking for a personal trainer for your brain? Looking for these sorts of insights and directions to get out of your own way in your own life? I can hook you up. This is what I excel at, and I’ve got some space in my private coaching practice, and several different ways to work with me.